Slade's not here today, and I'm bored, so I decided to do some major wallowing in self-pity.
I don't like our new assignment. It's not the kind of thing I'm good at. It's the kind of thing that makes me super stressed and causes me to chew my nails and pull my eyelashes out in my sleep. So, feeling very sorry for myself, I called my friend up, seeking sympathy. But instead of offering me any sympathy, compassion, empathy, understanding, or condolance she simply directed me to the following quote:
"Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write and was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, 'Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'"
-Ann Lamott, Bird by Bird
So you can see my problem.
While this is a great quote, and I think she was trying to be profound and have one of thoes "teaching" moments that changes people's lives, all I could think was "I don't have very many birds. I only have one bird. And it's an ugly bird. And I have to shoot it several times. And then I can only print it three times, and come to think of it, is it even legal to shoot birds? Are there any birds that you can't shoot anywhere at anytime? Like flamingos - and if you do shoot a flamingo, can you eat it? If you eat enough flamingos, will you eventually turn pink?" And from there I'm sure you don't care where my train of thought went.
So does anyone have another profound quote to offer me?
Oh, and another really quick sob story - this morning my alarm went off fifteen minutes early and I tried to get out of bed to turn it off, but couldn't because at some point in the night I had managed to climb into my comforter cover, and was all wrapped up in it and ended up rolling off of the bed and lying on the floor while "SOS" by the Police blared over the radiot. And I just kind of stayed there for a moment, on the floor, in the dark, all alone, wrapped up like a mummy in a pink comforter cover, and no one came to rescue me.
Anyway, yeah. I'm still looking for someone to pity me.
And Hannah wants a platypus.